05 Nov As We Discover The Fall Again

I am not a man without a heavy conscious, nor am I a man who believes I have done evil all throughout the ages. I am a man who has been shaken to his core, a man who has been met with several fates within time and has now been brought to his knees. These past years have been vigorous, and by past years, I mean the several eras that have long since past ever-since I first opened my eyes to the smoke that even now can been seen drifting in it’s own faraway state – gliding across neon lights. It was that in which had awoken me.

Looking back, I know all of the evil I have adopted, whilst I also know all of the good I have been able to become. Those who have since been left behind have not been forgotten even. There are some that I still strongly desire to pull back once again. To reach for their hands, and dip my fingers within the depths of time once again – barely skimming what I now know of as the neon bend. A place where our sufferings, longings, and starved desires move at violent speeds whilst being lit of in flames by the fires we must create.

This entire process has been rushed, but even as such – I can say with all honestly that an ember has been started once again, an ember that is close to reaching a flame I have been longing to see the return of for what feels like eons. I long for my hands to hold yours once again, and I long for my eyes to meet yours, at an equal distance, dispelling fair and simple energy back and forth. But part of me knows that I have made my way towards the bottom, for the fall I have discovered once more has shown to me all that I have yet to be, and all that I have never been. For so long, I have lived in this mirage, for so long I have sabotaged this tree which holds towering and reaching roots, and festering and quickly moving branches – and now I must lay it all to waste.

I cannot become something I am not, is what I have been told. Though, this in essence is untrue, for I can rather, not become something in which I cannot resonate with. The tremors in time which set me to meet my exile still exist to this very day, and I can sense tragedy around every bend, waiting patiently to begin the final moments to my end. 

The morphings within the sky which had been taking place has now begun to subside and I can see a light that has been forbidden for so long now making it’s true form known. I know I must hold my heart throughout this process, for much destruction will now take place, and even though I still find myself In Between, I also find myself moving in the only forward known direction that my heart calls to me. For now, I have begun to reach the bottom, and now everything has begun to fall once more as a flame shall soon sweep across all that I now know and once knew. I know that this is the only way, I know that this is what must follow this discovery, I know that this is what must come before a much darker night settles in.