26 Dec Drifting Towards Fates

My body and mind are enclosed and enveloped, as this vessel which contains my all drifts faster and faster towards the epicenter of this dark pool, towards the inevitable neon lights that await which I know all to well shall cast fates upon me. My eyes are forced shut tightly during these moments, they move rapidly while enclosed as I drift off and being trapped within a violent cycle that moves me in and out of sleep. The visions that my mind musters up are of some greater cataclysmic things – things that I will likely never live to see, things that I was more than likely never meant to see. In dreams that seem to desperately return to me, they are forcing me more and more to give up control in these final moments, for they know all to well that deep down within my heart – I yearn for a new type of life, a new type of creation, and with that knowing I am forced to sink deep inside of myself, to search for the fates that await before they can find me.

It is true, I know hold tremendous power over the inevitable force that I had always known these fates that await would bring, however at the same time; my heart as always known that these fates were never truly out of alignment with what I truly desired, they have been said to shift, to turn, and to spin – but soon they will be sealed, and a destiny will unravel. This dark pool pulls me deeper and deeper underneath, the strength of it’s pull like nothing I had experienced nor imagined ever before – so much stronger than gravity that it blows my mind. I am so far from the reality that I once knew, in a way, I have completely stepped outside of it in a sense. With every waking hour my pulse panics and beats as if it’s in overdrive, for the visions and destinations, longing and pains that all come to me at once have proven to be too much for this vessel, and it is tearing it at the seams.

I hold the very catalyst that will bring an end to all of these things, a catalyst that will see me set free, a catalyst that will see final fates delivered in a timely fashion. However, I have since moved into a new area inside my mind, one that in which has been kept silent all this time, one that is now screaming and beaming into me words of discouragement, feelings of surrender, pulls of defeat. It is a pressure like none other, it is enticing in it’s every essence, and I know feel myself drifting towards a sleep that will lead me directly into it.