02 Oct Fall

Strange and familiar feeling, how seemingly long it’s been since you’ve returned to me. Why here? Why now? When contracts are not quite up, with promises and trials just around the bend, I could say your timing is in essence a well-coordinated attack. I will give you credit where it is due however, for now that the fading has begun to settle in – you now have your chance to see the last of my desperation, the last of my hope, and the last of my fear fade with the sun. They say that I’m becoming something I’ll regret on futures bend, but little do they know that my time for suppression is up, with past confluences and acceptances guiding me to what I am now destined to be.

Yes, outside of this mortal shell I am something that is much more different than what is fading, inside. For outside, I am a force of Infinite Growth, a lord on my own terms, craving the act to reek havoc on all doers that have done wrong to those innocent across time and space. While my mortal mind may try and conceive of what a burden that would be to bear, a higher side of me knows that it is nothing but a traveling thought – much like the ones that are fast approaching me now. Though how useful I would be at long last, to cast judgement upon those you call sinners; instead here I am looking down once again – ready to brace for the impact, ready to set my sights at what lies at the bottom, readying to set my fire.

During times like these, I spin in anger and frustration, for this journey has seemingly become an illness, infecting every part of me bit by bit, rendering me useless more and more with each passing day. Perhaps I am simply better off dead? Or am I needed for this strange and sickening game we have all been thrown into. I was dealt cards that are not exactly staples, while at the same time losing the rarest in my collection for time, and now I must somehow re-coup more than what was lost. I know that once I crash, I’ll be searching for the echoes again, I’ll be longing for the strange time again, and thereafter – aiming to drift towards the answers that I do desire.

My mind has begun to burn like a wildfire, my heart, still asleep for it rests for the madness that lies ahead, for it too shall brace itself for impact. You often speak of futures to me, as if each step you’ve taken had not already been pre-planned, with you attached to invisible string, which has lead you to the lines that you reside on now. The guidance that I once had has long since been gone, and with lifelines fading faster than I can move, I know soon I will go under, sleeping with branches from trees that were destined to grow in reverse, much like I – as I make way way down whilst losing the rest I have acquired since exiles spoke my name.