24 Dec Into Freefall

These neon shimmers that I had once viewed upon my diving into this dark pool have since gone dark as my eyes shut tightly, whilst being enveloped within this vessels. I can feel the splinters of piercing darkness from these darkest nights infiltrating my soul, a touch of true darkness that brings me closer and closer to becoming one with the true void, drawing me closer and closer to whatever final fates await me within this fleeting and fragile time remains. Escape at this moment, an exit so to speak – is my only fail-safe, and while I may wield death at my command, I am still trapped within this vessel which has now begun to descend at even more rapid speeds so far beyond my control, I have in a sense entered a free fall which has me running through fragile thoughts, and calculating time that is being swept out of existence with every fragile moment that passes.

I can feel the glow of my own soul growing cold as this process takes place. It’s like witnessing every desire, every yearning, and piece of innocence you once held right before your eyes – watching it being taken away, wiped away from reality, with knowing full well it was never meant to return. Moments like these force my mind to fleet back to when all was lost, I can till this very moment still hear my heart aching in misery, still hear it’s screaming. My thoughts are quickly swept for a moment while the pressuring pull of this dark pool which controls the whereabouts of this vessel grow an even tighter grip, my head, feeling as if it is enclosing on itself – the darkness growing more and more thick with each passing moment. I know that in this moment, who I was yesterday is quickly being erased, and who I have once yearned to be is no longer an option – for that line is essentially gone, and no matter the desire, no matter the longing – I will never be him. For the soul that he was dreamed to hold and the soul which is held now are of completely different shades. Of completely different motives. This freefall in a sense cradles me like a newborn, for in a sense, during these darkest of nights – I have been reborn. It is a gradual process, and these shadows are growing more and more every day, formulating me into what I need to be to reach the epicenter of this dark pool – readying me to meet my final fates.