28 Nov Void

There is a voice that lingers in my head. It’s speaks familiar words, and in it’s essence it is familiar itself – yet at the same time this voice remains to be a stranger to me. This voice tells me the things that I must do, and shows me the way’s in which I must feel, seemingly guiding both towards and away from this ever-lingering fate. I am no longer the person I used to be. The fear that once held a tight grip on my body has now been reduced to spectacles, clinging on for dear life – but almost unnoticeable, their efforts almost futile in essence. Their efforts, however, I can still feel, however that feeling is fading – much like many other things, things that are now all starting to blend into one cloudy vision, into one cloudy past. As time now begins to past, much more quickly than it ever has before I now bear witness to a light clinging to it’s last lifeline, a light that is in the process of breathing in it’s final breath, a light that will soon leave behind remnants of it’s long and destructive life – whilst opening the door to a darkness so unknown to me, a darkness that has long since called to me.

For ages, I have yearned for a time of change to come, while my body’s will comes and goes like the evening stars. For ages, I have yearned to live in peace, free of the trials and tribulations that each era brings, free for the worry, doubt, and guilt that has been past down to be from hands that fed. For since my feet have touched this surface, for since my eyes bear witness to this light, I have long since been poisoned. The violent force that flows throughout my body comes and goes for as long as I can maintain the ember, such as now, while the the flares push to maintain their growth. For long have I known that I must set fire to all that lies within and infiltrate all that awaits from around me, yet the emptiness that beckons yearns for a time of reconciliation, a time for reflection. Time that is in which fleeting so quickly from me now, so much so that even now to rest would spell my end, for 7th sleep beckons like never before, awaiting it’s chance to strike.

Inside of me, there is a void. A void that has lingered for eras and ages past, a void that spreads – even now. A void that longs for me dispel the lies that I have told to myself, a void that longs for me to hit the bottom, a void that longs for me to shed the expectations, the persona, and the hope that I have clung to for so long. A void that longs for me to take the fate I know that awaits. For where I stand at this moment, the cycles have now been captivated – with time now moving in accordance to a much higher force, a more beckoning force, a force that now more seriously than ever seek to see with my own eyes. However, I feel that even now, I am not yet prepared. It is no surprise to me that the remaining fear that lingers from the outside, but by the shrinking numbers, want so desperately to make their way inside. They have learned from me and my tragic ways. My fleeting and hiding from shadows that burned, the same ones that still march upon me now as I make my way across this place, across this center, much like the ever-growing void inside of me. 

These things that linger are much like a disease. A disease that I’ve adopted, something that is in which foreign to my entirety, something that was never meant to be, something that has always sought refuge to enter a cell such as mine. Times ago, a period of passage, a brief respite even, would be needed during my fallen times before I tend to the flares, the embers once more. But now, unlike those times, time has begun to slip away like never before. And so now, it seems I am forced to make an exception, forced to face this deception I have created, forced to take whatever long awaited fall beckons and reach the bottom.