30 Oct When I Meet Death

Long since has this inevitable force begun to spiral in my direction, long since has this inevitable force had it sights set on me, long since has this inevitable set out to seep it’s way back into my lines once again, as it has waited patiently since Advents paste for the expiration of some age-old agreement, of some age-old contract – to once again become a mediator yet again in what remains of the fleeting time that I have left, the fleeting time that we all have left. During these hours, the darkness is encroaching for very soon, darkness will surely consume me and everything within this place I once to be the in between. For the only light that will remain during this final hour before fates begin to make their way in, will be of the final flame that I have sought out for so long, the final flame that is truly destructive and devouring in nature, the final flame that seeks to destroy all that it comes into contact with, the final flame that desires to never be tamed.

I can now begin to feel you here, stronger than ever before. You make your way around silently throughout the darkest hours of the night, seeping your way into my dreams and with every weakened breath that I draw. Your will is something of desperation, your very essence all-so enticing, the very promise and certainty you bring – ever so hypnotizing, so much so that I must refuse to give in with every passing hour. For agreements that have been made that are soon to expire have all my mind, body, and soul bonded to a promise that was made with another in mind, bonded to a promise that was made to create a better future, a brighter line, an Advent free of false light and spiraling darkness. All of these things were put to rest by both yours and my hands alone. For my shortcomings were your very invitation to come in, and my incompetence was the very welcoming for you to do as you please, to do as you seek. In these fleeting times, I have begun to come like you, fearless, and darkness incarnate. For I know that soon, we will be one in the same, for upon that fateful hour that we meet – our desires will become one, and our darkness will become of a blackness that will speak of words of letting go, free of resistance, free of the binding agreements that now come to an expiration. For what is to happen now are the final catalysts for this all to take place, for what is happening now has been ages in the making, for what is happening now is due to the lines I have forged compiling into this very single moment.

When I meet death, it will not be out of spite, nor will it be out of corruption, sickness, or fear. For when death comes for me, it will be out of the acceptance that I have made, it will be out of the knowing and infinite knowledge that such fates have always been part of the process. For as these fragile moments fleet ever so quickly, so do the regrets I had thought I once had. For I am becoming more and more aware with each passing moment of all that I have become and all that I have ever been. This solace, this peace that I seek may be further off than I had imagined, or closer than I could have ever dreamed. For in false light have I spent many ages past, for in false light have I tirelessly searched for answers, for truth. But now, as the tides and tables turn, and as the final flame grows brighter and brighter as I can see it illuminating throughout these hollows ahead – I shall truly join what I have always ran from during those days, I shall become one with what I once waged war against throughout eras past, I shall become the truest incarnation of this blackness that many resist, and only few accept.